Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

So, I'm here today in sunny Miami doing my usual routine in preparing for a game. I have Josh Hasbeen, err, Josh Heupel go out and round me up about a dozen of the mascots of whatever opponent we are playing - buffalos, wildcats, cowboys, bears, etc.
In this case, he brings about 10 alligators to the practice field today and dumps them in the endzone. Then he asks me how the hell do you tell a difference between an alligator and a crocodile? I told him it's easy - alligators are stupid and ugly. That's how you tell the difference, idiot.

So anyway, the next thing I do is have a water boy bring me all my practice footballs that I haven't ruined from throwing too hard or gripping too tight or whatever. I have about 150 of them right now. I then proceed throwing them as hard as I can at these gators. Don't worry. PETA has signed off on this practice as it helps control the animal population. So, I'm just drilling these gators with footballs. You know, 200 or 300 miles per hour from about 15-20 yards away. Whatever you know. It helps me get psyched up for the game. When all of a sudden, Jon Cooper interrupts me and he's got a newspaper in his hand.
I say "Jon, you know better than to interrupt me during my preparations. This better be important and not another one of those damn Family Circus cartoons that you're always showing me. If it is, I am going to make you go sit over there in the middle of all those pissed off alligators who have been getting drilled with footballs for the past 10 minutes."
Big Jon just points at the paper and shows me the Vegas line on this game. We are three and a half point underdogs. Did you know this? I didn't. I asked Jon if this was a misprint and he better not be screwing with me. He said it wasn't. See, I don't even read the news, because I am the news and I know what I did so there is no need for me to waste my time reading about myself.

Hey Vegas, seriously? Are you smoking crack? Underdogs? For real? Did you get me confused with some average quarterback like Colt McCoy or Graham Harrell? (Oh, another thing I learned was that O/U doesn't stand for Oklahoma University and how many points we would score against any team, it stands for Over/Under)

This bothered me for about 3 minutes and then I went back to chucking footballs at gators' heads, and that helped me relax.

Now, when a reporter asks me how I feel about being an underdog, I just reply - "Vegas can blow me." I know that's crude and not absoulutely necessary, but now Vegas is on my shit-list right underneath Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy, and Osama Bin Laden, and just above Jean-Claude Van Damme. And Vegas needs to know it. And, believe me, you don't want to be on that list.



I included this photo today because it cracks me up. I like to laugh, and this made me laugh. Look at Colt whoopin' it up with Mack. What bowl was that again? The Non-BCS Championship Game Bowl? Glad you all could beat Ohio State last night and not make the Big 12 look like the hellhole that Texas Tech made it look like.
Colt, you're funny, man. Gay. And funny.

Oh, and one last cool thing for today. The Cherokee nation is going to be giving out T-shirts with my name and number written in Cherokee on it. I think it's also going to have a picture of me scalping Tim Tebow on it or chopping off a gator's head with my Sooner hatchet. If not, it should. Make it happen Cherokee nation!