Shotgun snap against Okie Lite. If you haven't got to me by the time the ball gets to my hands, your defense is toast. You basically have to defy the law of relativity or gravity or something like that and get to me before the ball does, because it takes me about .327 seconds to know where the ball is going and to throw it there.
See? This picture was taken with the very next split second and I was already releasing it. My blockers just stepped out of the way so the cameraman could get a cool photo of me throwing another touchdown pass. I threw about 12 touchdowns against Okie State. That was a fun game.
If you want to talk about bad teams, you can't leave the Washington Huskies out of the equation. In the third quarter of this game I started throwing the ball with my eyes closed. It was the equivalent of the scene in Star Wars where Obi Wan blindfolds Luke and then tells him to "use the force." That's what I did in the third quarter, and I still completed about 93% of my passes that quarter. The only problem is that playing the Huskies is also the Star Wars equivelant of Storm Troopers against ewoks. Wait... that would make me an ewok. Nevermind.
Me and Malcolm Kelly from last season. I used to love to tell everyone to make a huddle around Malcolm and then I would yell out - "It's Malcolm in the middle!" and everyone would bust up laughing except Phil Loadholt who has no sense of humor.
Notice in this pic that I have jumped higher than Malcolm. The camera angle may look like we are pretty even, but trust me, I out-jumped him by at least six inches. White men named Sam Bradford can jump!
Play action here, or as I like to call it - "Fake Sucky Running Play Resulting in a touchdown to (fill in the blank)." Also known in the huddle as FSRPNTD - (player's name). As we all know, running plays suck except when I run a QB draw or a bootleg. Sometimes, I'll get in the huddle and act all excited and say stuff like "DeMarco, you're getting the ball! Isn't that great!? Your mom is going to love this play!" And when he starts to act all excited and starts foaming at the mouth like he does occasionally, I'll yell "Psyche!" and call FSRPNTD - Gresham, and toss another touchdown instead.
Texas Tech last year. Duke Robinson is right there saying something stupid like I'm sorry I let you get crunched by an undersized, less talented defensive lineman from Texas Tech.
Idiot linemen.
Here was on the sidelines joking with one of my teammates. I said, "Hey Juan, you don't look Mexican. Yet, your name is Juan. What gives?" Then, he said, my name is Juaquin, not Juan. I was like what the hell kind of name is Juaquin? Is that half Mexican, half Jamaican? He just turned around and left while I yelled out 'say hello to your pops, Julio, for me!' I'm pretty funny when I want to be.
This A&M dude on the ground is trying to grab a piece of the Sammy Cannon. I said whoa, dude, I don't play for that team. Steers and queers in Texas. Steers and queers.
Speaking of queers, here is Colt trying to hold my hand after the game. If there were another word for "gay" it would be "Colt." In fact, I may start that trend. Use it in a sentence, Sam! Ok. That dude wearing the pink Texas shirt, shorts, boots, and talking with a lisp is so colt.
Hey Colt, remember the Heisman Trophy ceremony this year? That was awesome!
I obviously hate this picture. Colt McCoy was trying to kiss me, but he forgot he had his helmet on. It was during this embrace that I whispered to Colt "You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" He didn't say anything, and I'm pretty sure that he knows that he is dead next year.
Hey Colt, see you in the BCS Championship game in a few weeks. Oh, wait...
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