Rub Some Dirt on it, Demarco

So, everyone has heard by now. Little DeMarco Murray is out for a while with a torn hammy. Little D has some positive attributes that he brings to our team on occasion, but for the most part it's no big deal that we lost him.

Everyone knows that I am the team, and like I've told Bobby Stoops all year long - the national championship goes through my right arm, not some hole in the offensive line for one of our running backs.

Bobby understands that and so does the rest of the nation. We're playing Florida, people! Not the Pittsburgh Steelers or New York Giants. It's just Florida.

They have that little quarterback that reminds me of the big, fat dude from Kentucky a few years ago. What was his name? Oh, yeah. Jared Lorenzen. Remember him? The Pillsbury Throwboy. Almost identical to Tebow. Big and fat and hard to bring down if you play defense. Thankfully I don't play defense, though I could if coach would let me. I'd be leading the country in sacks if I did, but that's a whole different story.

Anyway, us without DeMarco Murray is like Florida without Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin and Urban Meyer. That's pretty much the equivalent. Those guys are nice players, but they are not necessary.

Anyway, after I heard that DeMarco had a torn hammy, I called him up and said, 'yo, DeMarco. It's a good thing it's only a torn hammy. You should be good to go in about a day or two, huh?'
He just sighed and said he was out for five months, and then I think he started crying.
I was like you're joking aren't you. That's funny, man. That's funny. You almost had me.
And then he said, 'seriously cracker, I'm done until next season.'

Now at this point, I got a little pissed and yelled at him about how I played a whole game after my appendix burst in high school and I also let him know that I didn't just tear some ligaments in my left hand. I freakin' shattered every bone in there and I'm still playing come January 8th. I also let him know that I once played a whole game in high school legally blind after some chick pepper sprayed me in the face before the game (long story), and still threw for 8 touchdowns and 500 yards.

I told him to just rub some dirt on it and get back to practice and then hung up the phone.