Here I am sounding the opening bell to kick off trading at the New York Stock Exchange today. This is Wall Street. This is where it all happens. This is where our economy went to hell and this is where it will rebound all thanks to me. If you'll notice, the stock market jumped up and closed 359 points higher today after my opening bell ceremonies. It's very cool that it jumped up 359 points, because that's also the number of points we hung on Texas Tech this season.
There was no other reason for the large gain today. It was me, plain and simple. If they were smart, they would hire me to ring the opening bell everyday and they would let me do it from Norman. That's just smart business practice.
You can check me out right here ringing the bell.
And you can check out my interview on CNBC right here.
If you'll notice in the interview, the reporter is an idiot who knows nothing about football. I almost gave her a Heisman stiff arm to the head, but decided against it. She has to constantly check her notes for my stats and other general information that she should know by heart. She did want to get with the Sammy Cannon after the interview, but I don't have time for chicks with no knowledge of my greatness. I want someone who wants me because I am a stud football player who will be raking in millions soon, not because I have a silky tongue, and put Brad Pitt's looks to shame.
One thing I will take exception to: She mentions in this interview that I am a finance major and am holding a 3.95 GPA currently. The only reason it is 3.95 is because I'm smarter than many (ok, most) of my professors and they don't like it one bit.
Speaking of stock going down, poor DeMarco Murray stock. That stuff took an AIG-like tumble today with that whole torn hamstring thing. This is why I don't invest much in running backs. If you stay with the ninja-like, good looking quarterbacks, with great taste in cheeses you will always prosper.
More on poor DeMarco at a later date.
Left = idiot reporters. Right = greatest football player of all-time
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